"Do you like playing a boy? How did you prepare to play the part of a boy?", asked a third grade girl after our second student performance of
Hansel & Gretel.
This little interviewer was part of an 800 student audience from Tuesday's second show. I should have been prepared to answer thoughtful and in-depth questions from kids, having spent 6 months with Opera Colorado's touring Cinderella several years before. I'd been asked a variety of questions, mostly along the lines of "Was the kiss real?", "Do you like to sing?" and "Are you married" to fielding statements such as "Don't marry the prince, marry me", "I have an uncle named Joe", and "I sing". There were always a few zingers that made me think, and this girl's question still has me thinking two days later.
The first question was simple enough. Yes, I enjoy playing a boy. Performing as a child is freeing. However there is a lot of physicality to it that my body isn't used to. I've learned which muscles have gone into atrophy as I've aged, what sorts of movements I don't do on a daily basis anymore. I used to be so bendy. I have to be bendy again in order to make the character believable but unlike when I was a child, I feel it all the next day. I lunge a lot, make large exaggerated movements with a sense of abandon. I dance, skip, giggle, play with sticks, jump off of tables, climb on things and run. There is a lot of running. It is a great time. Yes, I enjoy it - tons.
The second question has had me looking back to my music education and the following years of private voice study. I entered college a bit green. I had only had a few voice lessons before auditioning for colleges and they were simply to get help picking out appropriate material for the auditions. My mom likes to laugh at how unprepared we both really were. Most of my time as an undergraduate was then spent trying to figure out this thing called opera and enjoying the academic rigors of college. I didn't start thinking about the acting part until graduate school and even then, I was mostly tied up in the vocal production and working on getting rid of my stage fright. I felt at the time that I'd be successful if I could sing beautifully and didn't have out of body experiences when singing in front of people. I knew I had what's called "stage presence" but I didn't understand that I had to harness it and develop it into something more in order to tell a story on stage. I just wanted to sound great.
So post graduate school I started studying with Dianna Ruggiero. I was a tightly wound brainy and musical gal when I walked into her studio for the first time. I could see her struggle to get me to open up, take risks, act! for heaven's sake. It was the first time I took it to heart and concentrated on what it meant to sing a role as a character. She started slowly by getting me to smile. She then demonstrated several specific movements that would work for certain characters like the way a messenger boy would bow or kneel. This was big stuff for me. I felt awkward and shy. I felt comfortable in my body but getting it to move as someone else was scary. Risking making a mistake wasn't something I readily did in life. I am a planner. I am calculated and think and rethink decisions. I like lists and pro's and con's. It took me a while to realize that trying out actions and different ways of moving my body is like making a list. Some movements I move to the bottom of the list and eventually they get forgotten about or knocked off by something more important or critical. I find the things that work for me so that I can then make intelligent and thought out decisions. Once I have a catalogue of things to work with, I can then put them on and move onto the next step, making it all work together, and telling a believable and compelling story.
I also learned to observe and to walk. Simple enough but I hadn't ever thought about it before. It makes so much sense. I'm not the characters but there are people in the world that are similar. I started to watch people and notice things about how they hold their shoulders, how they move their arms. I thought about the differences in anatomy between men and women and what sort of an impact that would play in how we move.
I practiced walking like a dude. I walked around the house, I walked around the block and across the street. I wanted to do it in front of strangers too so that when the day came, I wouldn't be caught up in being nervous about trying it in front of people. I got cat calls from folks of course, but it only served as proof that yes, I was walking like a man.
The next few years the stage experience I gained was as a member of an opera chorus. I had the opportunity to try out movements again and a variety of characters in a safe atmosphere where I was far from the center of attention. I was still light years away from the stage animal my teacher Dianna wanted me to be, knew I could be.
It wasn't until I worked with Stage Director James Marvel that I made a great discovery. He gave me permission to be silly on stage. I discovered I could be funny. This turned my anxiety about doing something wrong into a mighty force of power. There wasn't a wrong, only a right. If something wasn't working, I didn't get a response. If something worked, I got laughs. Positive feedback, the stuff dreams are made of. People don't boo you in rehearsals, they do laugh and they do gush and applaud and make noises when they like something.
At the same time I was working with another performer who introduced me to the idea of "telling a story". When he has a good performance he says he's "made a good showing". The concept of telling a story through voice and body, marrying the two together to create something that will visually compel as well as please the ear, hadn't quite gelled in my mind before. I've never thought of myself as an actress, but I can be a storyteller. I tell stories all the time. Some stories have points at the end but a good deal of them flop on their face and end in giggles having no point or resolution at all. I can tell a story for sure.
Hansel has been my first opportunity to put what I've learned in the past 4 years into action. I am really proud of the product and of what I'm producing on stage. It has been quite a journey and it only excites me for what else is ahead. Now that I've come this far, I know I have another step and another level to reach. I will always have more work ahead of me, but that's part of my love for this business, for opera. I can always be learning and achieving.
