Recap and Upcoming

I've been meaning to write about my first lesson in NY and about a libretto reading performance that I attended but for some reason it seems too daunting at the moment. Oddly enough, a brief breakdown of all the auditions I've done so far doesn't. I think it's my mind's way of trying to sort through what I've done so far and what I still have left to do. It is the half way point of my time in NY so I might as well go with what my mind has set it's self to do.

Oct 31: Christmas Show Auditions - I started rehearsals 2 weeks ago)

Nov 2: DMMO - They offered contracts yesterday, sadly nothing for me. I felt so great about this audition and think I got too excited about the program. C'est la vie. Sang Composer's Aria and Nina.

Nov 8: Met Opera Chorus - I won't hear until May if I am offered anything. It will probably take me that long to stop wondering. Sang Composer's Aria.

Nov 15: Palm Beach - No call back. Felt great about the Composer's Aria, lost steam with Cherubino.

Nov 16: Minnesota Opera - No call back. Another Composer and Cherubino.

Nov 18: Ohio Light Opera - A friend was the accompanist, it was great to see him. I felt good about the audition overall. Sang Nina's Aria and Losing my Mind. Plus I did a monologue from Nuts. Anyone sensing a theme?

Nov 20: Santa Fe Opera - Sang only Composer. The accompanist did like my singing even if Santa Fe didn't seem to be looking for what I had.

NEXT UP:

Dec 1: Utah Opera, Crested Butte, New Jersey Opera

Dec 4: Pensacola Opera, Tri-Cities Opera

Dec 5: Opera Company of Middlebury

Dec 12: Opera North

Union Avenue (waiting on date and time)

Waiting to hear from a handful of others

One pending contract!

Some Days are Tougher than Others

This was going to be a post consisting primarily of a sob story recounting my many woes from yesterday. Luckily I was so stricken yesterday that I didn't have the heart to write. Today has turned around, leaving this a post more about the fact that indeed, some days are tougher than others, which leaves those other days to look forward too.

My beginning sentence yesterday went something, okay, exactly like this: "Today was a rough day."

I'm amending it to read as: Yesterday was one of the rougher days, but today I'm feeling more optimistic and I've managed to pull myself away from the pity party, for now.

What was it that left me sulking in the corner? Rejection. It's always rejection. I can take criticism because there's feed back associated with criticism. I'm able to accept or reject what's said and make the appropriate adjustments to my singing/performance/self. Silent rejection smarts. It's much harder to make sense of it. It wasn't even that the rejection letters I received yesterday were the sole cause of my blues. Instead they were the proverbial straw. But for every time I fall apart, there's the opportunity to put myself back together stronger and better. Sometimes I'd rather not have so many opportunities for self improvement.

With that out of the way, now to the good stuff.

Yesterday, I made my way to the Metropolitan Opera Chorus audition which was a bit of a trip, the mental kind. The audition was held at the Met. First stop was a waiting room full of singers and a large flat screen T.V. broadcasting the combat staging rehearsal from the stage. No, no, not intimidating at all.

After waiting room number one, we were brought downstairs in groups or 5 to another waiting room set up in a hall outside of the audition room. I had enough time to hear a good number of singers and get a feel for the accompanist, who of course as spectacular (reportedly the Assistant Chorus Master, Joseph Lawson). I also heard from other auditioners that the room was a bit hard to sing in, carpeted and with little acoustic feedback. I heard one baritone push his way through an aria possibly in an attempt to get some of the non existent acoustic feedback. I also learned that there were a row of auditionors behind laptops madly typing away.

Armed and dangerous, I went it, announced my piece and sang my heart out. I was nervous going in since I've been nursing a chest cold for the last few days but it only had a minimal impact on a few middle register notes which came out slightly under-supported, aka flat. But the acoustics in the room seemed great to me. It left me prepared to just sing, not listen, factoring out a good portion of the internal self-depreciation that sometimes happens mid song. The auditioners were indeed behind their laptops typing away - hopefully phrases like, "hire her", "great voice", "lovely vocal color", "darling", "musical". They did however all look up and make nice contact at various moments in the music. I was allowed to sing the entire aria, had a nice "thank you very much." I thanked the accompanist then walked out all jittery and excited. The kicker though, contracts won't be offered until May so I'll at least forget I ever auditioned by that time.

While I'm on the happy bus, I might as well mention that I attended my first rehearsal for the Christmas Spectacular. I'll be singing "Lo, How a Rose E'er Blooming" in addition to the choral selections.

New Opera

A few nights ago I made my to a Salon Series performance put on by Opera America, a national service organization dedicated the the education and support of operatic artists, composers, companies and the community at large. I've been pleased with my few interactions with Opera America in the past and I'm a sucker for new music so it seemed like a winning idea.

I couldn't have been more pleased. I was only peripherally aware of the featured composer, but from the moment I slipped into my seat, I was captivated. I found myself dreaming up ways to write a grant proposal to support a recital dedicated to the art song and arias of current composers. The evening consisted of several parts. First, a song cycle, which was artfully sung by Amy Burton. Her attention to what I assume were the composer's markings, brought the story and music to life. There were various art songs and three aria's excerpted from Paul Molavec's recent opera, The Letter, which premiered in 2009 at Opera Santa Fe.

I'm not a trained critic so I'll keep the description to a few striking details. The harmonies and accompaniment provided sparkling sunshine, poignant love and desperate sorrow. The vocal lines were melodic and singable, heightening the text and poetry. I was also taken by small ensemble of musicians performing. It turns out, Mr. Molavec arranged the pieces specially for the evening.

Following the performance and a brief interview session with Mr. Molavec, I had the opportunity to chat with several folks present. A poet whom wrote the words Mr. Molavec set one of his pieces to was there. I've often wondered if poets are pleased with their works begin set to music and if so what they think of the chosen settings. Poetry already has a music all its own, with thought out rhythms and meter, the sounds of the words creating the percussion and sustained tones. I asked the poet her thoughts and she mentioned that having her words set to "music" breathes a new sort of life into the work. It comes before a different audience in a new way.

I also had a brief encounter with Mr. Molavec; short enough to blather that I'm a singer, hadn't heard his music before BUT was very taken with it. With that done, I handed over my business card before he was swept away by the numerous other conversations awaiting him.

I then hustled off to find out more about "workshopping". During the interview, I heard a term come up that I was unfamiliar with. If you've got any sort of musical theatre or theatre background I'm sure it's a familiar term. I however was feeling a bit ignorant, still am. Turns out, new compositions are tested out and tuned up before performance. Composers work with singers and production staff to massage out the kinks and sometimes re-write or even write new material before taking it to the stage. Also turns out that singers that work shop the piece can end up on stage at the opera houses. There are several organizations in NY that provide these workshopping opportunities. My heart skips a beat to just thinking about it - the opportunity to create a role and work with the composer. In the style of my new found hero, Liz Lemon, "I wants to have some of that."

DMMO

✓ Green Dress

✓ Sparkle Shoes

✓ Composer's Aria

✓ Laughter and Fun

Even though I sang at 9:20 am (my natural habits tending towards fully away by noon) I felt like things were flowing well. I had to catch myself a few times, coaxing myself to breathe deep and relax, but other than that, I felt settled and good. I've been working on slowing down the dramatic actions while I sing and it seems to have helped keep my nerves less frenetic as well.

I was tickled when asked if I "really wanted to sing Nina's Aria so early in the morning."

"Of course!!!" I emphatically replied. "It's one of my favorites."

Which was met with, "It's one of my favorites as well."

The accompanist made me giggle as he looked at me with a huge grin that said, "I'll play it but it is definitely NOT one of my favorites." He did a smashing job, and even though I had several words slip my mind, I felt so well supported by the pianist I was easily able to keep the train going on the right track.

The current state of affairs is that overall I had fun, laughed, felt technically secure, dramatically solid with room to grow and had a fulfilling exchange with the audition panel. I know where the glitches occurred and can smooth them out for the next audition. On the whole I'd say that's a top notch audition! I even heard a hushed, "...wow..." from behind the desk following the Nina. Here's hoping it wasn't due to some fantastically horrid vocal snafu or *gasp* pop star type wardrobe malfunction. What? The opera world's crazy too you know. Bonkers I tell you. Divas were partying like rock stars when a rock was still just a rock and a star was, well you get the picture.

I digress.

Next up: Met Chorus Auditions

Audition 10/31/10

Yesterday afternoon I sang for a somewhat undefined NY Christmas show. I got the call today that they'd like for me to sing. While it doesn't pay much, it does pay AND I'm not doing anything else on the few evenings of rehearsal that it requires. The music is all from the standard Christmas repertoire as well. I'm expecting it to be fun. However, I'm a bit hesitant to say what exactly the show is all about as I'm still a bit unsure. My current description goes something like this: Christmas Spectacular-Spectacular! Come one, come all. Irreverent yet Never Sacrilegious Christmas Revelry.

From this whole experience, I did receive a solid affirmation that singing the Composer's Aria for my opening piece in auditions is a good idea.

Tomorrow is audition for DMMO. The plan is to have fun.

On a side note: I wish I had remembered to bring my camera.

Tigress

Several weeks ago I received some advice from Dolora Zajick. "Find the Tigress within." In a voice category fully stocked with star studded young singers, I need to stand apart. There's something powerful and unique inside me that is ready to be seen.

I have anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes in an audition to make my mark. Admittedly, a large percentage of mezzos show up in beautiful black suits, myself included. Being a bit daunted with Ms. Zajick's directive to allow my Kunst Diva out, I started with her first bit of wisdom: Find something to set me apart visually. Even considering over half of my audition repertoire consists of "pants roles", I decided on my green dress. I used it for head shots, why not for an audition. Plus, I should be able to pull off masculine in a dress. I'm and actress, right? PLUS, Cherubino wears a dress, so that leaves an even 50% of my audition rep suited to a suit.

Next, the shoes. Oh, how they sparkle. It's truly amazing how a pair of shoes can make you walk taller. Maybe not too surprising, being heels and all. Amazingly enough, the first audition I had following the change in attire included a great nod to my attire and appearance.

"You really offered a fine audition and showed a lot of personality as well. Your green dress was perfect and made you stand out from the others."

Talk about perfectly timed feedback and results! Which leads us to discovering more about the Kunst Diva. Once again, Ms. Zajick pointed me in the direction and all I had/have to do is run with it. She mentioned a few articles found on this great site called Parterre Box. I've since spent quite a bit of time reading through the articles entitled, "The Quantification of the Diva: Part the First, Second, Third, Fourth, and Upon Reflection".

While the aforementioned articles are dedicated to quantifying who is the greatest diva of our time, I've taken them as a series of studies both in words and video as to what that elusive diva is and how I can achieve it. I can't say to have fully synthesized how to let the tiger out, but I have realized there is definitely one in there.

So actually taking the time to think about the various great voices and operatic presences I've had the fortune to be around, I came to a conclusion: A great many of these women have grand personalities and put themselves out there. They walk into a room with "blood and guts" (a favorite phrase of a voice teacher of mine). They are sexual power, strength and poise. The audience wants not only to watch them but to have the self confidence and assuredness to be them. Simply put, show some personality. Show YOUR personality.

Baby steps in NY

Audition season is here. Time for New York City. I'm here, living in the city for two months. When I say "in the city", I really mean I'm living in Queens. I've converted from California cuisine and access to any cooking ingredient I could possibly dream of, to desperately trying to find staples at two small grocers stacked to the ceiling with products, just not my products.

I anxiously await audition notices via e-mail, scratching them off or adding pertinent time and locations to my calendar. Amid all the changes in my life and rejections, I'm finding it more and more important to find routine. So far I've succeeded in tracking down a great coffee roaster and made my first cup of French press coffee this morning. Yes, I brought my press to NY. It was the sole reason for my third bag. I did discover I could use the rest of the baggage space for more shoes so it wasn't a total waste.

Tomorrow I will add item #2 to the daily routine: run.

Routine item #3 will be Italian lessons from Rosetta Stone.

With that said, it's no surprise that I've decide to blog on a more regular basis to keep track of the ups and downs, put the advice and experiences I encounter into words.

Here goes everything...

Confidence

Confidence. The last few weeks have all been about confidence.

I just finished my first week with Opera Santa Barbara's Young Artist Program. We had our first run through of our full scenes program today. All in all things went well. It has been great fun working with the stage director James Marvel. He's a rock star. I'm performing the full role of Stephano from Romeo et Juliette, which isn't huge but it's great to have another role down. Since it is a small cameo, a cameo with an aria though, it is more likely I'd get hired to sing it on the main stage.

While I was in San Diego last month singing with the chorus, I had the opportunity to watch another mezzo perform the role. I was even able to coach with Karen Keltner, the conductor. Working with her was really helpful, for example, I learned what to watch for when working the role with an orchestra. I have to say, I feel much more comfortable performing when conducted. It could be that I am less focused on the sound that I am trying to produce and instead the mental energy that goes into singing is being channeled outward instead of inwards. I stop worrying about the technique and start feeling the music, using the text and emoting.

But back to the Santa Barbara staging Stephano:

I am constantly moving, searching for Romeo, egging on the Capulets, and adding comedy and lightheartedness to an otherwise very serious show. We all know that the two love birds die and I sure can't watch the opera without the heaviness of impending doom weighing on my heart. Stephano offers a bit of release in the midst of love and death.

Today I felt the stage direction settle a bit more into my limbs; I was connecting more actions with the text but at the same time, certain musical moments were slipping away. It has been a tricky balance between centering myself enough to sing with a full supported voice and also being active enough to portray the precociousness of Stephano. I felt more grounded in my voice today and hopefully that trend will continue. We still have several weeks to go before we perform which means I have time to work out moments in which I can rest and breathe. It has been staged really well and the moments are there, I just have to allow myself to use them.

But back to the original idea behind this post - confidence. When comparing my experience here with that of several years ago at Opera Colorado I came to a wonderful conclusion. I feel like I am supposed to be here. I am good enough. I have a place. While in Colorado everything was new. I looked at all the other singers, feeling far less experienced then them. I was tentative in staging rehearsals and never felt at home in performance. I didn't serve the music to its fullest for I didn't truly trust my voice yet enough to dive deeply into the emotions of the works. I am not trying to say by any means that I am currently "the ultimate diva" and have nothing to learn. On the contrary, I have so much to learn but I feel more grounded and better equipped to synthesize musical and stage direction into performance. In short, I am confident.

Subs

Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm talking about substitute singers.

A year ago I had the luxury of having a full time church choir job. Often a church will hire four singers to fill out and lead the various sections of their choir: alto, soprano, tenor and bass. The church is guaranteed that they will always have one singer of each voice type present, and someone that can sight read the music well to help lead the rest of the choir. It was consistent and reliable work. I loved knowing that I would be getting paid to sing every week. I have enjoyed working as a church soloist or section leader for several reasons. 1) It is a bit of a shake up from my regular musical study. 2) I'm exposed to great concert repertoire for my voice, something I wouldn't necessarily seek out on my own. 3) I've had some great performance opportunities arise from having a church job. 4) Weddings pay. Funerals pay. Weddings are infinitely more joyful, but begin able to give someone comfort through music has it's own special reward. 5) The people can be really sweet.

Since moving to the Bay Area, I've started back at square one again. I don't know the musical community yet, and from my other moves, it always seems that it takes 2-3 years to start finding a spot in the local musical neighborhood.

I have had a few jobs as a "sub" or "substitute singer" in the last several months. The latest opportunity came as quite a surprise! I am currently in San Diego singing with San Diego Opera chorus for Roméo et Juliette (It is going to be simply beautiful, the cast is tremendous). I previously had a church job here in town, before I moved. While there, I performed Duraflé's Requiem and the beautiful alto solo, Pie Jesu. This past Sunday morning, I received a call last minute to sing as a "sub" for none other than Duraflé's Requiem and Pie Jesu. Luckily I had the music with me so I was able to work through it that morning.

I'd have to say that Pie Jesu is quite an exercise in breath control. But seeing as how my life tends to have themes, it was perfect timing for me dig down deep and trust my new found breath support would be there in a performance.

The other theme of late has been being prepared for last minute opportunities, of course!

Wise Words from a General/Artistic Director

I've just survived my first audition with a General/Artistic Director at a large company. The whole experience was better than I had expected. Generally, an audition consists of 5-10 minutes of singing and a "Thank you very much". There are those wonderful occasions where the person(s) behind the desk ask a bit about me, prompted from the resume, and we will chat . It is even rarer still to receive valuable advice in an audition. I understand that time is of the essence in many of the auditions. Companies want to have to opportunity to hear as many singers as possible so I don't expect too much, nor am I disappointed when an audition consists of singing two arias with a kind "Thank you". In some respects it only serves to highlight those moments when I do get to talk to the person(s) behind the desk and it makes me listen all the harder when they have something helpful to say.

The first tip came upon entering the room. My head shot, repertoire list and any recordings generally have a stamp on the back with my contact information. Since much of my stuff is currently in storage, I've forgotten about several things and this habit has gone by the wayside. The Director urged me to put printed labels on the back. I'm not sure why it never occurred to be before, but labels have the wonderful distinction of being portable. Print a few sheets and slip them in my audition binder right behind my extra head shots, resumes and a variety of repertoire lists I keep on hand at all times.

The second and hugely valuable tip came after "Sein wir wieder gut", and before "Nacqui all'affano...Non più mesta". If you are singing in the chorus for a show, always, always learn any appropriate small role in that show. If something happens close to curtain, raise your hand and be ready to go on.

Another plus to learning small roles is that they are a great way for a company to test drive you as a singer. So they like your voice but have no experience with you, they can effectively 'test' you out in a position that won't make or break a show. It takes a huge amount of trust for someone to put you on stage. With my background, I have had stage time in college, young artist programs and chorus stage time but there is a difference. I have also found that my time in opera chorus has been invaluable, learning to see and hear a conductor and orchestra in the pit from the stage is a skill and not necessarily a given talent.

New Chapter and Marketing

It has been too long since I last posted. The idea was to keep track of the audition process and the process of becoming an Opera Singer. I guess the actual doing and struggling got in the way of recording the process.I've opened a new chapter in my life since I last wrote. I quit my day job several years ago, tackled my first young artist program for Opera Colorado and came out a stronger and more determined singer. It almost seems impossible to track everything that has happened professionally since then, although my resume makes it seem rather simple. Next up I will find myself in San Diego singing with the chorus for Gounod's Roméo et Juiette. Then I'm off to Opera Santa Barbara to sing, of all things, Stefano from Roméo et Juliette for their Young Artist Program.

Most of what I have experienced in the last several years has been typical of other young artists; track and apply to auditions, get rejection letters and acceptance letters. Find the money and the nerve to travel for auditions (most of which are in the fall and winter), plan trips, hone resume/headshot/repertoire lists and audition. Deal with post audition drag, that time when you don't hear from companies or you do hear from them but without a contract. Keep charging forth because it is simply what you do. Get an acceptance, win a competition, sing concerts, sing for free, sing for money, sing for the love of singing. Repeat.

I've started a website and began to market myself a bit better than I had several years ago. It still isn't perfect but I am working hard on that as well as on new music for upcoming engagements.

Since last I wrote, I've created a marketing and publicity package. I've tried to incorporate those things I learned while acting as Marketing Director for a performing arts group. The first and foremost lesson which has been to create a consistent and clear message that pertains to who you are.

Head shots/Promo Images:

(several from the session)

Business Card:

(edited to remove personal information for web)

Website:

(video, photos, audio, download-able resume and head shot, biography, schedule and contact)

YouTube:

Twitter:

Social Media Networking such as Everyday Opera:

With the recap at hand, it seems that I once again need to update my audio and video selections on my website and YouTube. It can be a rather consuming process with so many venues to choose from but the plus side is that my materials are out there. The website has come in handy several times as it isn't uncommon for an opera company or performance venue to ask for a website link rather than a full application and audition package. The more Internet driven the world becomes, the more important having a digital presence will be. I feel like I have finally created a strong consistent look and feel to my brand with is of course, ME! I am now learning how to get that brand, that is, how to get myself out there and heard. A presence doesn't do a whole lot of good if no one is looking at it.

end of the year

I sat down for lunch, no phone, no computer, no studying, no running through arias and dreams in my head. It was tough. I didn't quite succeed. I am still coming down from this season's travels. Learning to relax and rest again. I thought that I would have time to write and chronicle my auditions this year. It was all I had in me to get through the auditions, work, and get ready for my family to show up for Christmas. I am looking forward to their arrival and I am also looking forward to the week after Christmas in which the office is closed and I have the days to myself with the evenings full of opera rehearsal. I am getting there.

I don't believe that I will come out of this fall with a young artist program to call home. I did better than last year but I still have a ways to go. I tackled the nerves issue and was focused 80% of the time with the 'oh lord, what am I doing' only coming in intermittently. Practice and perseverance is all I can give.

Back to lunch with Nat King Cole.

if only

If only I could stop long enough for my head to stop spinning, for my eyes to close and rest. I was on a plane, off a plane, in St. Louis back home. No sooner had I been at work enough to know I was busy, then I took off for Cincinnati again returned home. Two days at work trying to do the work of two weeks then to New York, back a day for a meeting or two then again to New York and Philadelphia. It has been easier to think "I want this, I will get this" while standing in front of the piano at home, knowing my bed and my partner were near at hand. But there has been a disturbance; my cat has taken to being missing the last few days. Now with the cat gone, even in cities far away, my sleep has been disturbed and my mind a bit flighty. Perhaps it is time to go home, look under some more houses for the kitty and take a break. Until Saturday that is. At least for the night. Well, perhaps for a few hours.

first audition of the season

I had my first audition of the season yesterday. After 2 hours of driving and magically finding a free parking garage tucked away under buildings and roads and between streets, I arrived an hour early. This was just enough time to change into my dress, warm up #2 to make sure the notes were moving (the real warm up was that morning at 10am) and sit quietly and read. "The Hitchhiker's Guide" seemed the reasonable if not convenient choice, it was sitting on my car seat when I left. It was quite an odd experience though to sit down outside of the auditions, begin to ponder what it was that made 'that' difference between, "they have a great voice" and "we must hire them" and then open up a chapter that was all about how completely small and insignificant we are. In fact, the total perspective machine that was discussed in the book had been known to scramble the brains of anyone unfortunate enough to sit inside of it and realize just how tiny they are. Somehow it worked for me. I was relaxed. I was so relaxed in fact, that when the accompanist began to drop measures and the right hand in places, my thoughts of total and complete fear at getting lost and not able to recover were mere thoughts. I held it together vocally and if anything, came through blazing. I'm sure there was some terror that flitted through my eyes but not so much that it caused a stir. I truly feel bad for the accompanist. What a tough position to be put into; sight reading all sorts of crazy arias for hours. It just had to be her luck that of all my arias I chose a slightly up tempo Handel aria, "Sta nell'Ircana" from Alcina. I did however go out and make an even larger copy of the music. If it helps the next accompanist even a little, it is worth it.

The second aria they called did have me a bit flustered. It was probably residual 'holy crap' adrenalin running through my system from the last piece, but I don't recall as much from the small portion of "Non piu mesta" that they asked for. I am almost wholly sure that one reason they asked to hear the beginning of that piece following the Handel was to hear my range and a higher and lower coloratura. The third page of the "Non piu" flies through two runs that encompass two very fast octaves. I can't say I was as pleased with this performance...but it is progress. I can now say that under the circumstances of an audition, I feel decent with how I performed. I can however do better - that is my total perspective for the night.

ready for take off

Things are picking up.

I have my first audition of the season this next Wednesday. It is close to home and I am looking forward to it.

Then on Friday I fly to visit my mom and hopefully pick up a waiting list audition. I will get to see her new house and surroundings. I can understand now how hard it was for her to have me move and not know where I was; it was a great unknown.

The next work week is a whopping 2 days before E and I head off to Sonoma Valley for Thanksgiving. The day after we get back I take off for another audition. Return for 1-2 days then off again to NY for one audition (waiting on 3 more).

Hopefully I will pick up an audition in Pittsburgh before heading back home for the first opera rehearsal of the season!

The excitement is already surging through my blood.

last year

was too easy.

chautauqua

I almost cried. What a relief it was to get one acceptance for an audition after all of the rejections. At least this was a company I remember having a good audition for last year, and sending a CD to this year. This implies two things: 1) From their perspective, my audition last year must have been decent 2) My CD must have shown progress or promise. The first acceptance out of the way, I can make way in my head for what is actually happening.

I picked up rental scores for the two operas I will be a chorus member in this winter. Boris will be a great experience and I ordered a recording with both the original and the traditionally performed version of the opera. I began working on the Messiah for my April job. I am quite tickled that the conductor has decided to keep the 1750's version of the alto singing "But who may abide". I remember hearing the bass from last year's production here in town and absolutely drooling over it. I have decided to add this to my list for an upcoming competition in January. I have to fill out the list with a piece for orchestra or chamber orchestra/mezzo and an operatic aria one of the two having been written after 1925. There are a few things floating around in my head and I'll have it more settled by next week. I am toying with some Mahler songs or Barber's "Dover". If I go with the Mahler, Nina's Aria would be my aria choice and if Barber makes its way onto my list, Strauss's Composer's aria.

I do love the planning and the preparation.

keep looking up

"You have to love rejection."

"I am comfortable with rejection and understand that it occurs."

"No, in this business, in order to survive, you have to love it."

What does this mean? I suppose my recent dealings with it mean that in order to fully love the art, the experience, the full process of becoming an opera singer, rejection is a part of it and thus I have got to more than accept it, I have to embrace it. Rejection is fuel, it is the hand that guides me and teaches me what more I can do, how I can better express the music. It is that which tells me my voice is strong but that I still need to work on keeping it all forward. It tells me that this is a conservative business in which I can love modern opera, but I should let the audition committee decide it they love it as well and want to hear it.

I have learned these things:

Recordings matter. I am re-recording after working on keeping my vocal support.

I will begin auditions with selections that are more conservative and be sure to do more research as to who is hearing the audition and plan my first selection accordingly.

I have more to work on, I will always have more to work on, but there is always an element of subjectivity that is in play. I will find my place.

There is no other way about it. I have to love the rejection. It has to lead me to greater things.

4

This is going to be much worse than I thought. After two rejection letters I wasn't too fazed, after all, I expected some. But four in a row; now I'm shaking a little. For posterity's sake:

San Francisco - rejection letter
Portland Opera - rejection
Glimmerglass - rejection
Florida Grand Opera - rejection

Santa Fe
Des Moines
Houston
Wolf Trap
St. Louis
Utah
Chautauqua
Central City
Minnesota
Seattle
Lake George

I still have 10 to hear from, not to mention that there will be at least 4 more programs to apply for in the winter/spring. I am starting to think I made a big mistake auditioning last year, using my appearances in front of the companies when I was unsure if I was ready. I took a risk and it did not pay off. Now that I feel so much more confident in my abilities I am feeling that I will be left without a chance to show them. But perhaps, just perhaps, ... no. The only sane thing that I can think of to do with this rejection is to collect it all and use it as fuel for my passion. I sing because I can't see my life without it. If only I could have not been able to see my life without being a reconstructive surgeon.

Chorus Girl

I had a little boost to my ego a few days ago when I received a contract in the mail for three productions as chorus. Part of me knows that the elitists would look at this thinking, "Oh honey, how quaint, how sweet," but I am full of validation for the hard work I have been doing this past year. You see, last year I auditioned and didn't receive a spot, this year I was offered three. This is a cut and dry, crystal clear example of my progress. It is always to difficult to quantify progress in singing. I can get words of encouragement from my teacher, those close to me and even myself but something like this is an unbiased opinion. On the flip side, not receiving any one contract is not a measure of progress or lack there of; try that on for size.

More specifically on the chorus girl contract, I will be getting experience singing Russian and more experience singing on stage. This will be my first time on a professional stage and it is exciting to think of what I will learn.

I did end up having to turn down one of the three productions due to a prior commitment singing another job out of town. Aside from knowing it was the right thing to do; I have a feeling it was just supposed to be that way.