keep looking up

"You have to love rejection."

"I am comfortable with rejection and understand that it occurs."

"No, in this business, in order to survive, you have to love it."

What does this mean? I suppose my recent dealings with it mean that in order to fully love the art, the experience, the full process of becoming an opera singer, rejection is a part of it and thus I have got to more than accept it, I have to embrace it. Rejection is fuel, it is the hand that guides me and teaches me what more I can do, how I can better express the music. It is that which tells me my voice is strong but that I still need to work on keeping it all forward. It tells me that this is a conservative business in which I can love modern opera, but I should let the audition committee decide it they love it as well and want to hear it.

I have learned these things:

Recordings matter. I am re-recording after working on keeping my vocal support.

I will begin auditions with selections that are more conservative and be sure to do more research as to who is hearing the audition and plan my first selection accordingly.

I have more to work on, I will always have more to work on, but there is always an element of subjectivity that is in play. I will find my place.

There is no other way about it. I have to love the rejection. It has to lead me to greater things.

4

This is going to be much worse than I thought. After two rejection letters I wasn't too fazed, after all, I expected some. But four in a row; now I'm shaking a little. For posterity's sake:

San Francisco - rejection letter
Portland Opera - rejection
Glimmerglass - rejection
Florida Grand Opera - rejection

Santa Fe
Des Moines
Houston
Wolf Trap
St. Louis
Utah
Chautauqua
Central City
Minnesota
Seattle
Lake George

I still have 10 to hear from, not to mention that there will be at least 4 more programs to apply for in the winter/spring. I am starting to think I made a big mistake auditioning last year, using my appearances in front of the companies when I was unsure if I was ready. I took a risk and it did not pay off. Now that I feel so much more confident in my abilities I am feeling that I will be left without a chance to show them. But perhaps, just perhaps, ... no. The only sane thing that I can think of to do with this rejection is to collect it all and use it as fuel for my passion. I sing because I can't see my life without it. If only I could have not been able to see my life without being a reconstructive surgeon.

Chorus Girl

I had a little boost to my ego a few days ago when I received a contract in the mail for three productions as chorus. Part of me knows that the elitists would look at this thinking, "Oh honey, how quaint, how sweet," but I am full of validation for the hard work I have been doing this past year. You see, last year I auditioned and didn't receive a spot, this year I was offered three. This is a cut and dry, crystal clear example of my progress. It is always to difficult to quantify progress in singing. I can get words of encouragement from my teacher, those close to me and even myself but something like this is an unbiased opinion. On the flip side, not receiving any one contract is not a measure of progress or lack there of; try that on for size.

More specifically on the chorus girl contract, I will be getting experience singing Russian and more experience singing on stage. This will be my first time on a professional stage and it is exciting to think of what I will learn.

I did end up having to turn down one of the three productions due to a prior commitment singing another job out of town. Aside from knowing it was the right thing to do; I have a feeling it was just supposed to be that way.