Confidence

Confidence. The last few weeks have all been about confidence.

I just finished my first week with Opera Santa Barbara's Young Artist Program. We had our first run through of our full scenes program today. All in all things went well. It has been great fun working with the stage director James Marvel. He's a rock star. I'm performing the full role of Stephano from Romeo et Juliette, which isn't huge but it's great to have another role down. Since it is a small cameo, a cameo with an aria though, it is more likely I'd get hired to sing it on the main stage.

While I was in San Diego last month singing with the chorus, I had the opportunity to watch another mezzo perform the role. I was even able to coach with Karen Keltner, the conductor. Working with her was really helpful, for example, I learned what to watch for when working the role with an orchestra. I have to say, I feel much more comfortable performing when conducted. It could be that I am less focused on the sound that I am trying to produce and instead the mental energy that goes into singing is being channeled outward instead of inwards. I stop worrying about the technique and start feeling the music, using the text and emoting.

But back to the Santa Barbara staging Stephano:

I am constantly moving, searching for Romeo, egging on the Capulets, and adding comedy and lightheartedness to an otherwise very serious show. We all know that the two love birds die and I sure can't watch the opera without the heaviness of impending doom weighing on my heart. Stephano offers a bit of release in the midst of love and death.

Today I felt the stage direction settle a bit more into my limbs; I was connecting more actions with the text but at the same time, certain musical moments were slipping away. It has been a tricky balance between centering myself enough to sing with a full supported voice and also being active enough to portray the precociousness of Stephano. I felt more grounded in my voice today and hopefully that trend will continue. We still have several weeks to go before we perform which means I have time to work out moments in which I can rest and breathe. It has been staged really well and the moments are there, I just have to allow myself to use them.

But back to the original idea behind this post - confidence. When comparing my experience here with that of several years ago at Opera Colorado I came to a wonderful conclusion. I feel like I am supposed to be here. I am good enough. I have a place. While in Colorado everything was new. I looked at all the other singers, feeling far less experienced then them. I was tentative in staging rehearsals and never felt at home in performance. I didn't serve the music to its fullest for I didn't truly trust my voice yet enough to dive deeply into the emotions of the works. I am not trying to say by any means that I am currently "the ultimate diva" and have nothing to learn. On the contrary, I have so much to learn but I feel more grounded and better equipped to synthesize musical and stage direction into performance. In short, I am confident.

Subs

Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm talking about substitute singers.

A year ago I had the luxury of having a full time church choir job. Often a church will hire four singers to fill out and lead the various sections of their choir: alto, soprano, tenor and bass. The church is guaranteed that they will always have one singer of each voice type present, and someone that can sight read the music well to help lead the rest of the choir. It was consistent and reliable work. I loved knowing that I would be getting paid to sing every week. I have enjoyed working as a church soloist or section leader for several reasons. 1) It is a bit of a shake up from my regular musical study. 2) I'm exposed to great concert repertoire for my voice, something I wouldn't necessarily seek out on my own. 3) I've had some great performance opportunities arise from having a church job. 4) Weddings pay. Funerals pay. Weddings are infinitely more joyful, but begin able to give someone comfort through music has it's own special reward. 5) The people can be really sweet.

Since moving to the Bay Area, I've started back at square one again. I don't know the musical community yet, and from my other moves, it always seems that it takes 2-3 years to start finding a spot in the local musical neighborhood.

I have had a few jobs as a "sub" or "substitute singer" in the last several months. The latest opportunity came as quite a surprise! I am currently in San Diego singing with San Diego Opera chorus for Roméo et Juliette (It is going to be simply beautiful, the cast is tremendous). I previously had a church job here in town, before I moved. While there, I performed Duraflé's Requiem and the beautiful alto solo, Pie Jesu. This past Sunday morning, I received a call last minute to sing as a "sub" for none other than Duraflé's Requiem and Pie Jesu. Luckily I had the music with me so I was able to work through it that morning.

I'd have to say that Pie Jesu is quite an exercise in breath control. But seeing as how my life tends to have themes, it was perfect timing for me dig down deep and trust my new found breath support would be there in a performance.

The other theme of late has been being prepared for last minute opportunities, of course!